They/Them – Film Review

John Logan‘s They/Them is absolutely one of the weirdest slasher films in years. First thing’s first – why did this movie get dumped straight to streaming when it stars Kevin Bacon aka one of the most recognizable actors in the world? Number two, what’s up with that abysmally awful poster? And number three, why does this movie feel like it has no direction and why does it save everything interesting until the end?

Long story short, They/Them is a bad movie. It actually had an interesting setup which was why the first twenty minutes had me a little hooked. A group of queer kids attend Whistler Camp, run by a man named Owen Whistler. These kids basically outright tell Owen that the only reason why they’re at the camp in the first place is that their parents forced them to. What kind of camp is it? A conversion camp.

So, automatically, just by stepping foot into this camp, they understandably feel vulnerable and completely disgusted. They just want to be who they were born to be. They’re queer and there’s nothing anybody can do to change that. But Owen’s camp may or may not have some unspeakable dangers lurking inside. Sounds kind of intriguing doesn’t it? Well, sadly, the concept was way better on paper than on screen.

It takes over an hour for anything remotely “creepy” to happen in this film, despite the fact that it’s only an hour and forty minutes long. Logan’s script is filled with scenes of kids moseying around the camp getting to know one another better and not much else. This can barely even be classified as a slasher since none of the slashing happens until practically the very end. When the end credits roll, you’ll be asking yourself “Was that it?”

I’m genuinely confused as to what Blumhouse saw in this film, because they’re one of the biggest names in horror. The only popularity contest they have is A24. Blumhouse specializes in mainstream horror and there’s nothing about this movie that will appeal to mainstream audiences. It’s unbelievably boring and doesn’t have anything special to offer throughout its entire running time.

The performances are good, mostly. Kevin Bacon can definitely be a little unnerving in the role of Owen Whistler, and Theo Germaine is superb as Jordan Lewis. The cinematography from Lyn Moncrief is a thing of beauty and it was nice to hear another score from Drum & Lace after his work on the amazing show Dickinson. But aside from all the technical stuff, this movie is a complete and utter disappointment.

They/Them features an admittedly creepy Kevin Bacon performance but is an otherwise horribly written slasher that fails to expand upon its interesting premise.