Allegoria – Film Review

Have you ever seen a movie that bored you to tears so much so that you wished you could send a bill to the writer and director for wasting so much of your hard-earned, precious free time? Well, that’s happened to me many times throughout the course of my life, and this year has seen plenty of those films as well. But to be honest with you, it seemed as if those extremely boring and awful movies were finally coming to and end.

And then, I saw Allegoria.

This is an outrageously bland movie with so much silliness injected into the film to the point where you question whether or not the filmmakers actually wanted this film to be a horror or a comedy. Perhaps they were trying to blend both genres together? If that’s the case, then they failed at doing so miserably. There’s practically nothing to enjoy during this hour long disaster of a movie.

The storyline here is also far too simplistic and doesn’t go anywhere new or exciting, and the shocking thing is that it didn’t even seem as if writer/director Spider One cared too much about developing an intricate story. It just seemed as if he wanted to make this a silly horror film that may have even know was a bit over-the-top and nonsensical, but he just didn’t care. It’s a lot to handle.

Also, each and every single character that populates this film is unbelievably annoying, especially one character early on who quite literally just screams at people to the point where you want to rip your hair out. Mostly every character in the film seems completely clueless about everything that’s going on around them and they almost always make the dumbest decisions possible, rendering it virtually impossible to root for them.

If I am going to be one-hundred-percent completely honest with you, there wasn’t a single redeeming element of this movie for me. Surprisingly enough, it only runs at a little over an hour, but it felt considerably longer and I kept waiting for the film to cut to black with the end credits on screen. Whether you’re a die-hard fan of the genre or a newcomer, there isn’t a single thing that Allegoria will offer you.

Allegoria is a mind-numbingly slow-paced bore with a completely unscary script and poor direction from Spider One.